tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
