Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i believe in u and ur pee
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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