Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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