Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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