Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
