I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
