I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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