Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
