When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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