I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
