He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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