tell your sister to shave her snatch
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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