"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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