your thong is hanging out like whoa
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize