Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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