don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
