No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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