Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
