I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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