Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
