come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
