I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
