Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
