You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
