if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
