my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
