Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
