I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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