remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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