Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I am available for nakedness
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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