Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
