I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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