I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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