Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
