They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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