It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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