Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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