Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
