I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
