i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
