I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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