Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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