Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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