There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
