also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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