Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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