he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
