This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
