I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
