I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
