After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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