I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
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Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
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have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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