You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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