not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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