White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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