fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
pray to the hookup gods
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
