Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
