maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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