I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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