yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
