the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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