dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
