I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
