I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
