So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
