cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
