Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
