im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
