I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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