Ambien. No doubt about it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
